A young woman
brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner,
her mother tells her father to find out about the young
man.
The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.
"So what are your plans?" the father asks the
young man.
"I am a Torah scholar." he replies.
"Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice
house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"
"I will study, and God will provide for us."
"And children? How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide."
Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"
The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but
the good news is he thinks I'm God!"
Jesus, in a very
worried state, convened all of his apostles and disciples
to an emergency meeting because of the high drug consumption
problem all over the world.
They decided that in order to better understand the problem,
they should at least familiarise themselves with the drugs,
and some members should return to Earth to bring back some
of the drugs.
When they start arriving back, Jesus is waiting
at the door to let them in.
"Who is it?" "It's Paul"
"What did you bring Paul?" "Hashish from Morocco"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?" "It's Mark"
"What did you bring Mark?" "Marijuana from
Colombia" "Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?" "It's Matthew"
"What did you bring Matthew ?" "Cocaine from
Bolivia" "Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?" "It's John"
"What did you bring John?" "Crack from New
York" "Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?" "It's Luke"
"What did you bring Luke ?" "Speed from Amsterdam"
"Very well son, come in."
"Who is it?" "It's Judas"
"What did you bring Judas?"
"The FBI, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! EVERYONE AGAINST THE WALL!
IT'S A RAID!!"
What
do you get when you cross a
Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
The worst part
of being an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm
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What's the difference
between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everybody at the party. A bitch sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.
What's the difference
between a Christian wife and a Jewish wife?
A Christian wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery
What makes men chase
women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
Three words women
hate to hear when having sex.
"Honey, I'm home!
Do you know
why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
