I
Tonight the moon is very bright.
I have not seen it for over thirty years, so today when
I saw it I felt in unusually high spirits.
I begin to realize that during the past
thirty-odd years I have been in the dark; but now I must
be extremely careful. Otherwise why should that dog at the
Chao house have looked at me twice?
I have reason for my fear.
II
Tonight there is no moon at all, I know that this bodes
ill. This morning when I went out cautiously, Mr. Chao had
a strange look in his eyes, as if he were afraid of me,
as if he wanted to murder me. There were seven or eight
others, who discussed me in a whisper. And they were afraid
of my seeing them. All the people I passed were like that.
The fiercest among them grinned at me; whereupon I shivered
from head to foot, knowing that their preparations were
complete.
I was not afraid, however, but continued
on my way. A group of children in front were also discussing
me, and the look in their eyes was just like that in Mr.
Chao's while their faces too were ghastly pale. I wondered
what grudge these children could have against me to make
them behave like this. I could not help calling out: "Tell
me!" But then they ran away.
I wonder what grudge Mr. Chao can have against
me, what grudge the people on the road can have against
me. I can think of nothing except that twenty years ago
I trod on Mr. Ku Chiu's account sheets, and Mr. Ku was very
displeased. Although Mr. Chao does not know him, he must
have heard talk of this and decided to avenge him, so he
is conspiring against me with the people on the road, But
then what of the children? At that time they were not yet
born, so why should they eye me so strangely today, as if
they were afraid of me, as if they wanted to murder me?
This really frightens me, it is so bewildering and upsetting.
I know. They must have learned this from
their parents!
III
I can't sleep at night. Everything requires careful consideration
if one is to understand it.
Those people, some of whom have been pilloried by the magistrate,
slapped in the face by the local gentry, had their wives
taken away by bailiffs, or their parents driven to suicide
by creditors, never looked as frightened and as fierce then
as they did yesterday.
The most extraordinary thing was that woman
on the street yesterday who spanked her son and said, "Little
devil! I'd like to bite several mouthfuls out of you to
work off my feelings!" Yet all the time she looked
at me. I gave a start, unable to control myself; then all
those green-faced, long-toothed people began to laugh derisively.
Old Chen hurried forward and dragged me home.
He dragged me home. The folk at home all pretended not to
know me; they had the same look in their eyes as all the
others. When I went into the study, they locked the door
outside as if cooping up a chicken or a duck. This incident
left me even more bewildered.
A few days ago a tenant of ours from Wolf
Cub Village came to report the failure of the crops, and
told my elder brother that a notorious character in their
village had been beaten to death; then some people had taken
out his heart and liver, fried them in oil and eaten them,
as a means of increasing their courage. When I interrupted,
the tenant and my brother both stared at me. Only today
have I realized that they had exactly the same look in their
eyes as those people outside.
Just to think of it sets me shivering from
the crown of my head to the soles of my feet.
They eat human beings, so they may eat me.
I see that woman's "bite several mouthfuls
out of you," the laughter of those green-faced, long-toothed
people and the tenant's story the other day are obviously
secret signs. I realize all the poison in their speech,
all the daggers in their laughter. Their teeth are white
and glistening: they are all man-eaters.
It seems to me, although I am not a bad
man, ever since I trod on Mr. Ku's accounts it has been
touch-and-go. They seem to have secrets which I cannot guess,
and once they are angry they will call anyone a bad character.
I remember when my elder brother taught me to write compositions,
no matter how good a man was, if I produced arguments to
the contrary he would mark that passage to show his approval;
while if I excused evil-doers, he would say: "Good
for you, that shows originality." How can I possibly
guess their secret thoughts—especially when they are
ready to eat people?
Everything requires careful consideration
if one is to understand it. In ancient times, as I recollect,
people often ate human beings, but I am rather hazy about
it. I tried to look this up, but my history has no chronology,
and scrawled all over each page are the words: "Virtue
and Morality." Since I could not sleep anyway, I read
intently half the night, until I began to see words between
the lines, the whole book being filled with the two words—"Eat
people."
All these words written in the book, all
the words spoken by our tenant, gaze at me strangely with
an enigmatic smile.
I too am a man, and they want to eat me!
Source: Marxist Internet
Archive (continued)
