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Friday 10 December 2010
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FIFA ACQUIRES RIGHTS TO CHRISTMAS

At a news conference held in The North Pole and beamed directly to my laptop via satelite, Federation Internationale de Futball Association (FIFA) has announced an agreement with St Nicholas to acquire Christmas.

In the deal, Fifa will have exclusive rights to Christmas, Xmas, Jingle Bells, reindeer, sleighs, socks, mistletoe, the colours green and red and anything else remotely associated with Santa.

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Although the deal is effective immediately, Fifa said that there will be no major changes this year, and assured me that they are committed to ‘all who has made Christmas great’ and that licensing for the copyrighted Christmas names and images would be available to all from 2011.
It is believed that guidelines for licensing the trademarks will be released as early as Easter and will be strict.

When asked ‘Why buy Christmas’ Seth Bladder said:

‘We have been looking at ways to increase our turnover. With the Soccer World Cup staged once every four years, and in one country at a time, expanding our brand has become frustratingly hemmed in.
Christmas, celebrated in every corner of the globe annually, and with millions of fans worldwide, represents the ideal acquisition to grow our brand.’

Plans are already afoot to formulate and communicate the many requirements and conditions for all countries wishing to celebrate Christmas from 2011.

When asked to comment, South Africa’s Danny Jordan revealed ‘We’ve been aware of these plans since 2000. That’s the main reason why we agreed to spend billions on infrastructure. All we have to do now is encourage Helen Zille to finish the Koeberg intersection onto the N1, find the money to complete the Rapid Bus thing and South Africa is ready. We have enough world class stadia to accommodate the entire nation come Christmas 2011’
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