THE TYPO IN THE EMAIL ADDRESS - Friday 31 July 2009

An English couple in their early fifties decided to kill two birds with one stone.
Twenty-five years earlier they had spent their honeymoon in Spain, and they decided to spend a second honeymoon at the same hotel in January to celebrate their 25th Anniversary..
January was bitterly cold and wet in Britain, and the couple looked forward to spending two wonderful weeks in the sun.

Because they could not get two economy flights to Spain on the same day, they agreed that the husband would travel first, and the wife would join him the following day.

On arriving at the hotel, the husband was delighted to find that while the quaint ambience was maintained, the hotel now offered their guests all the benefits of modern day technology.
So he decided to send his wife an email.

But, because his sight was not what it used to be, he made a typo in his wife’s email address, sending it to susanbanson instead of susanbenson.

Meanwhile, in the little village of Keith in Scotland, 64-year-old Susan Banson had buried her 70-year-old husband the previous day.

That evening, Susan’s daughter heard a loud scream, followed by a thump, coming from her mother’s bedroom.
When she rushed into the room she found her mother crumpled on the floor in front of her computer, where she had fainted.

On the screen was the email.

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve arrived
Date: 7 January 2009

My darling wife.
I know you must be very surprised to hear from me today.
I’ve just arrived and have been checked in.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones at no charge.
I see that everything is prepared for your arrival tomorrow
Looking forward to seeing you then.
I hope your journey is as uneventful as mine.
Your loving husband.

PS. Sure is freaking hot down here.

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DYING FOR A TAN - Thursday 30 July 2009

So you thought that you were avoiding the risk of skin cancer because you could afford the luxury, (and stunning results) of a sunbed?
Turns out that you are probably dying for tan.

The International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) used to classify sunbeds as ‘Probably carcinogenic to humans.’

On Monday, that all changed.
Sunbeds are now classified as Group 1, along with arsenic, asbestos and tobacco in the highest cancer risk category.

The research, published in the latest edition of The Lancet Oncology medical journal, found using tanning beds could increase the risk of developing cancer by 75%, particularly if used by children and young adults.

The IARC report came after scientists from nine countries met in June to reassess the risks of cancer from different types of radiation, with solar radiation the main source of human exposure to ultraviolet radiation.

Some countries and US states regulate the multi-billion dollar tanning industry, with some banning teenagers from using sunbeds or requiring consent from their parents or doctor.

In Australia, children are banned from using solariums and it is a requirement for the tanning industry to post warnings of health problems, including skin cancer, that are associated with artificial tanning in salons.

This regulation was enforced by a court ruling following the death of Clare Oliver who died in September 2007 at the age of 26 after losing her battle with cancer that she said was caused by her visits to tanning salons.

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MODERN DAY MOSES FOOLS ROBERT MUGABE - Wednesday 29 July 2009

Rotina Mavhunga is a Zimbabwean medicine woman who recognized opportunity when it knocked.
Rotina obviously knew that Bob Mugabe and his government were a superstitious and uneducated lot.

So, with a little help from her friends, she set about making billions of Zim dollars, by presenting herself as a modern day Moses.
She tapped refined diesel fuel from a rock!

In March 2007, Rotina found an abandoned fuel tank in the bush.
She then contacted her friend, one of the country’s most powerful civil servants, Registrar-General Tobaiwa Mudede.
Mudede, who has run the country’s elections since 2000, supplied her with 125litres of diesel to fill the tank.

Another friend helped her to conceal the tank above a rock and attach a pipe to the outlet.

She then summoned a top government official to witness her "discovery".
At a signal, a hidden accomplice would open the tap on the pipe and the officials would gasp in amazement as refined diesel poured down the side of the rock.

When Bob heard about the miracle he dispatched a cabinet task force to investigate the claim.
They returned to declare that Zimbabwe's persistent fuel shortages were at an end. Government officials and businessmen lavished money and vehicles on Mavhunga until several months later, when a second group of ministers began to express doubt about the woman's bona fides.

Before the second group exposed her scam, Mavhunga had received Z$500billion (R7.8million) from the Zimbabwean government.

She was this week found guilty of misrepresenting and defrauding the government.
Her conviction was passed in absentia, as she had repeatedly failed to turn up after being served the summons.
Surprise Surprise!

Government has issued a statement saying that they ‘believed Mavhunga was in hiding!’

The court heard that many people who visited Mavhunga's "shrine" were gullible and were clearly frightened of her alleged spiritual power, referring to reports that members of the investigating cabinet task force took off their shoes in her presence.

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I DON’T BELONG HERE - Tuesday 28 July 2009

Desperately searching for something to write about today, I stumbled across an Agony Aunt type of column.
The question:
I've somehow fallen in love with a woman. The problem is she's married with 2 kids, and in a verbally abusive relationship. I think her hubby is suspecting she is doing something behind his back. I really love this girl, and don't want to lose her.
I'm also too scared to tell my family I might be a lesbian. I've never been with a guy and she was my first. What must I do?
- Anon

The answer was the usual dribble.
The comments were far more @$*&eD-^!.

wayne
27 Jul at 09:50
i think you need to be with a man with real lust and passion and when he is done with you then you can decide if you still want a woman

ric
27 Jul at 10:05
Do what you want. Just take photos.

Col
27 Jul at 10:30
My-oh-my. It’s because of guys like Wayne that women don’t want to entrust men with their hearts and being.

OceanRush
27 Jul at 10:41
I agree with Wayne - you need some real loving from a man! How can you decide you are lesbian without giving nature a chance! Then & only then can you decide the way forward. Lesson for the day - get a real man with stamina, not some tosser. You will need it to make up your mind.

Nickola
27 Jul at 10:44
And you wonder why some women would rather be with another woman, instead of such open minded, mature men like Wayne and OceanRush.

Franky 4 Fingers
27 Jul at 10:45
Come on guys, go easy on Wayne. He is obviously speaking from experience. So Wayne did you still want a woman after being with a man with real lust, passion and stamina?

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THE BLIND DOG WITH HIS OWN GUIDE DOG - Monday 27 July 2009

Now isn’t this just the cutest thing ever!
A blind dog, with his very own and very loyal best friend….and his guide dog!

Five-year-old Clyde, and his two-year-old partner are both black and white collies.
Bonnie and Clyde were inseperable stray dogs not so long ago.

When Cherie Cootes of the Meadow Green Dog Rescue first encountered Bonnie and Clyde they seemed like two ordinary stray dogs.
Only when the two were seperated did it become apparent that Clyde was totally blind.
When Bonnie is not around, Clyde refuses to move, because he relies totally on her to guide him around.

She stays inches from Clyde's side while guiding him on walks or to food or water, and lets him rest his head on her haunches whenever he becomes disorientated.
When they are together five-year-old Clyde seems as capable as a fully-sighted dog, and when he is unsure of himself he puts his head on Bonnie’s haunches so that she can guide him around.
When Bonnie is cavorting, she regularly stops and turns around to look for and wait for Clyde.

Bonnie and Clyde were rescued as strays after being abandoned on a street in the middle of a storm three weeks ago.
A member of the public spotted them running though the rain in Blundeston, Norfolk, and when she opened her car door they jumped straight in.

Vicky Bell, a spokeswoman for Guide Dogs for the Blind Association, said she had never heard of a dog voluntarily acting as a guide dog for another dog.

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 FENCING THE BORDER FENCE - Monday 27 July 2009

When the SAPS took over from the Defense Force, controlling our borders drastically deteriorated.
Then government decided to allow Zimbabweans entry to our country without visas, and the SAPS seemed to decide that controlling the border was an unnecessary waste of their precious time.

At present, police are deployed at 10km intervals on the border, and they do not do foot patrols.
Many border gates are simply left open, and the fence has been cut open and flattened in several places.

Apart from giving free and easy access to would-be asylum seekers, the floodgates are open for smugglers of all sorts.
Drug, livestock, cigarette and even human trafficking is now a breeze, and the uncontrolled border has also enhanced an already very lucrative trade for poachers.
With livestock moving freely across the border, there is also a continuous threat of foot and mouth disease in the area.

Moving stolen vehicles across the border to exchange for drugs and arms used to be a risky business.
Not any more.
You can steal the vehicle, drive it across the border, exchange it for a shipment of drugs or guns, cross the border again and sell your shipment, withour ever having to encounter any kind of opposition from authorities.

So, if the border is not controlled, then why on earth bother with a border fence?
Opportunistic thieves have recognized this contradiction, and are now helping themselves to the actual fence.

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ANOTHER THREE MALL ROBBERIES IN 24 HOURS - Friday 24 July 2009

Another three mall robberies have taken place in Cape Town in just 24 hours, two of them at Canal Walk.
On Wednesday, during the lunch hour, five men armed only with a hammer walked into the Oro e Diamanti store in Canal Walk.

They told the sales assistants that they "want that jewelry" pointing to a cabinet with diamond rings set in gold and silver, smashed the cabinet with their hammer and helped themselves to an undisclosed amount of jewelry.
They fled on foot.

"They didn't even have masks on. This is becoming bad because initially the robberies happened at night, but now they are striking during lunchtime when many people are around," an eyewitness said.

Also on Wednesday night, at around 11pm at Daniella Jewelers in the Gardens Center, robbers gained entry through the roof of the store and left the same way.

The store's owner arrived at work at around 8.45am on Thursday and collapsed at the front door when she discovered her store had been robbed, a witness said.
Another source said the robbers had cut the store's alarm system.
"They only took expensive stuff and left the cheap jewelry," said the source.

The jewelry stores at Canal Walk and Garden Center belong to the same company.

Then, on Thursday morning, a man wearing a helmet and wielding a gun robbed a shopper, on his way to Canal Walk after visiting a bank, in the mall’s parking lot.
Thursday's robbery occurred just before 11am after the man had parked his car in Canal Walk's parking area.

The robber simply shoved a gun in the shopper's side and demanded the man's cash and traveler's cheques.
Police were unable to say what the value of the cash and traveler’s cheques were.

This is the fifth robbery at Canal Walk this year.

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FIFTEEN DOGS POISONED IN ONE ROAD Thurdsay 23 July 2009

Yummie enjoys between 450-600 readers every day.
It’s a pity that more people aren’t reading the articles.
It’s an even greater pity that the residents of Princess Rd Claremont in Gauteng do not read the articles.
Well, none bar one probably.

Just two days ago, I wrote an article called ‘Inside Information on House Robberies.’
In that article I shared the information that small dogs kept inside the house were the best deterrent, and that big dogs that were kept outside are easily poisoned.

I also stated that most robberies occur between 7pm and midnight.
Alas, I failed to mention that the second highest occurrence happens between 3-7am in the morning.

Princess Rd resident Laeticia Beyers was outside her house with her dogs at 3am on Tuesday morning.
By 7am, all the dogs in the road were dead.
All fifteen of them.

German Shepherds, Rottweilers, Boerboels, Jack Russells. All dead.

Two cars had been broken into, with radios and other valuables stolen.

William Botha, who also lives in the road, suspects that a white powder he found in his yard was used to poison the dogs.

William also has two dogs, but they sleep in the house.

I think he is a Yummie reader.

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THE POTENTIAL JUDGE WITH BALLS - Wednesday 22 July 2009

Senior council Torquil Paterson, an Eastern Cape candidate judge, is a man after my own heart.
On Tuesday, he caused quite a stir at the Judicial Services Commission when he told members that he left priesthood for the law because after lengthy theological studies, that included a stint at Oxford University, he concluded that there is no God.

Justice Minister Jeff Radebe was left perplexed and asked: "So what you read in the Bible about the beginning does not exist? You do not believe that we were created in the image of God?"

"Minister you may believe that, I don't," Paterson responded.

It seems that members of the JSC tried all angles to block this appointment.
Earlier it was put to Paterson by Eastern Cape Judge President Cecil Somyalo that he had sought to end the career of a lawyer because he was black.

Paterson denied the charge with little visible effect and finally found succor from JSC spokesperson, advocate Marumo Moerane, who told fellow members the lawyer had in fact stolen money from various people "including myself".

Advocate Dumisa Ntsebeza, one of President Jacob Zuma's new appointees to the JSC, declared that he – Paterson - was both an atheist and a Marxist.
He then launched a scathing attack on Paterson for having failed to join Advocates for Transformation (AFT). Ntsebeza is the national chairperson of the organization.

The advocate responded: "It is not fair and right and not in the interest of the judiciary that I say I cannot make the judiciary more black, therefore I will not put my name forward."

Ntsebeza went on to ask how Paterson's potential appointment as a judge on the Eastern Cape bench could possibly further transformation, as he was white.

When the advocate conceded ‘the demographics would not be enhanced by appointing more white judges,' the former TRC commissioner responded triumphantly with ‘That's all I wanted you to say.’

Am I wrong to conclude from this that what we want are not judges who are qualified and competent?
And what we want are judges who are black?

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NOW ANC PROMOTES FREEPORN - Tuesday 21 July 2009

Ok this news is at least a day old, and the information has probably been removed, but its still worth a mention.
Just for the irony in it.
If you happened to log onto the official ANC website over the weekend you would have been offered free porn, penis enlargement and a dating service to boot.

It’s not like the ANC were proclaiming ‘WE BROUGHT YOU FREEDOM. NOW WE BRING YOU FREEPORN!’

Nah. It’s nothing like that.
Apparently, some troglodite hacked into the site and placed the ads on it, and the political party has distanced itself from the ‘embarrassing’ links.
"We did not place the content and have no relation with the person that hacked into our website to embarrass the ANC. We are taking every precaution to prevent a recurrence of this,’ said ANC spokesperson Brian Sokutu.

I am sure that the news of these ads on their site has probably generated more traffic to the site than ever before.

Worldwide, porn is still by far the most lucrative online industry.
Most of my revenue comes from Google adsense, and Google has a policy of not partnering with sites that display or promote porn.

Then again, on average, adsense pays nine cents per click.
I wonder if I should consider switching to pornsense?

Website Outlook values Yummie at US$8,927.90
They value Redtube at US$37.64 -million.

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MAKE WAY FOR FRESH BLOOD - Monday 20 July 2009

‘Love Doctor’ Mehboob Bawa has been presenting his show KFM Love Songs on the station for eight years.
Does the fact that he has been presenting the show for an extended period constitute his right to present the show forever?

In April, Mehboob was dismissed with immediate effect.
According to station manager Colleen Louw "As a radio station we have to constantly refresh the station in accordance with the strategy and listener needs. The decision to discontinue the Love Songs show was a line-up change in accordance with this need."

I fully understand that. I believe in evolution.

Bawa felt that his dismissal was unfair and took his case to the CCMA.
The commission found in favour of Bawa and ordered that Kfm reinstate him, and that he report for duty as usual on June 8.

I fully understand that. I believe in fairness.

Bawa and KFM then mutually decided not to re-instate the show, but rather to put Bawa on paid leave. When his contract expired at the end of June it was not renewed, but the parties agreed that the station would pay Bawa an undisclosed severance package.

Bawa accepted the package but now plans to take further legal action against the station for not putting him back on air, and to dispute the severance package.

I don’t agree with that. I understand it, but I don’t agree with it.

Kfm is right.
The times they are ever a-changing and if Bawa is not a-changing with the times, he should make way for fresh blood.

In fact, I can think of several South African radio and TV presenters whose time for making way is long overdue.
I am tempted to mention names here.
Lord, how tempted I am.

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TECHNOLOGY ROBBED ME OF MILLIONS - Friday 17 July 2009

I realized today that my dependence on technology has probably cost me millions in the past year or so.
I like many other South Africans play the Lotto whenever I can afford it.
Sometimes I would play a R20 lotto for ten consecutive draws to make sure that ‘I can win it because I am in it’ for the rest of the month.

After the final draw I would take the ticket to the store to be scanned to see if I had won anything.
Then I throw the ticket away.
Big mistake, apparently.

I could have been the winner of billions of rands and the machine would not have told me about it!

Wanda Bromehead from Durban, does not trust technology.

When she took her ticket to be scanned, she knew that she had won R88, because she checked the numbers in the newspaper.

The machine however, declared her a ‘no winner.’ Several times. On two separate days.

Eventually Wanda insisted that the operator punch in her ticket number manually, and lo and behold, she was declared a winner.

Frustrated, Wanda decided to take up the issue with Gidani.

Gidani, after a series of emails and calls, eventually told her that she should collect her ticket from the store and send it to their technological department to be checked.
"In this technological age errors do occur" said Gidani in their mail to Wanda.

‘A faulty scanner?’ enquires Wanda. ‘Is this why Lotto is sitting with so many billions, because people have been told by faulty scanners: 'No Winner'?’

My billions. Many many times the machine told me 'no winner'.

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THE WORLD’S FIRST SMS BANKING SCAM - Thursday 16 July 2009

As I am writing this article, I am trying to get my head around how it actually works.
I read the report twice and still didn’t quite get it.
Maybe when I have written the article I will.

Vodacom, on Wednesday described how criminals infiltrated its systems to defraud banking customers of at least R7-million in the world’s first sms banking scam.

Lets start at the beginning.
I am sure you have all heard of Phishing?
Phishing is the process of fraudulently acquiring sensitive information like usernames, passwords and credit card details by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication.

Now this is the part I do’t completely understand.
They then open accounts at banks and obtain ATM cards.
Is that simple to dupe the banks with false identity cocuments and proof of residential address?

Anyway, next, they contact a Vodacom staff member, who is part of the scam, to create dual SIM cards. Presumably duplicates of the SIM card belonging to the person who they are targeting.

They then log on to the targets bank account via the phone, and are issued with ‘one-time pin’ messages to the dual SIM card.

Once logged in, they create beneficiaries and transfer money to the accounts that have been set up, before finally withdrawing money and throwing away the ATM card.

The Vodacom staffer then deletes the dual SIM from the system.

Chief communications officer for the cellular provider said "It is unfortunate that a Vodacom staff member was able to commit fraud working with external gangsters. Vodacom has implemented additional security measures, to ensure that this type of fraud does not happen again," she said.
Field said the employee was identified and arrested, and the information gathered by Vodacom was provided to banking security firm SABRIC.

Nedbank, Absa, Capitec, FNB, Standard Bank, and KwaZulu-Natal's Ithala Bank were among banks affected.

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PIPE KILLERS, HARD LIVINGS AND THE TALIBAN - Wednesday 16 June 2009

Last week I wrote about the spate of robberies at Canal Walk in the past four months.
I have always felt very safe in Canal Walk. At least I was under the impression that the chances of being robbed there were highly unlikely.

Not so Vangate Mall.

Having grown up the hard way on the streets of Athlone, I consider myself relatively streetwise.
At the very least, I think I know when and where to be extra careful. Really really very extra careful.

Vanguard Drive is a highjack hotspot and Vangate Mall is smack bang on Vanguard Drive.
The mall is in close proximity to areas such a Heideveld, Manenberg and Valhalla Park
Areas I know well.
Well enough to be very wary of robbers and thieves in Vangate Mall.
I am familiar with Pipe Killers, Hard Livings and even the Taliban. (Trust me. There is a gang called The Taliban.)
I would certainly not walk around Vangate Mall carrying large amounts of cash on my person.

I wonder where Ahmed Parker, the manager of Spur in Vangate Mall grew up.
After closing up at 5pm on Saturday, he and his partner walked to their car in the parking lot of the mall.
Two men armed with guns approached them. This was in broad daylight, in front of dozens of shoppers as well as security guards.
All they said as they cocked their guns was ‘Give the money or you are going to die.’

Parker and his partner handed over all their valuables, including R10 000 in cash, and the men casually got into their Uno, which was parked right next to Ahmed’s car, and drove off.

All the security guards could do was to take down the registration number of the Uno, which turned out to be the registration number of a Chrysler.

Last month, armed robbers posing as shoppers held up Ackermans in Vangate Mall, locked the staff in the safe and made off with the cash.

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CONSEQUENCE OF A DOCTOR’S STRIKE - Tuesday 14 July 2009

It is the responsibility of the state to provide free, or affordable health care. That’s supposed to be one of the primary reasons why we pay tax.

I know from first hand experience that our hospitals are in a shambles, and I tend to believe that overextended doctors working in these institutions are not being paid what they deserve. They probably have every right o strike.

When doctors go on strike though, what are the options open to patients who cannot afford private care?
Not Many.

Many say that South Africa is heading down the same road as many African countries. Zimbabwe is often referred to in these predictors of doomsday.

A recent report about a news editor who has been arrested in Zambia sends shivers up my spine.
The family of a mother who was forced to give birth without medical assistance during a national doctor’s strike in that country last month, took photos of her ordeal and handed them to Chansa Kabwela, news edotor of Zambia’s independent post.

The photo was not published, but Kabwela sent copies to local women’s groups and the office of Vice President George Kunda.

President Rupiah Banda was so angered by the image, that during a news conference last month he ordered police to arrest the person responsible for circulating the picture.

"She has been arrested and charged for circulating obscene pictures and I hope she will appear in court tomorrow. We are working on modalities to secure her bond," said Post lawyer Sam Mujuda.

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LOCAL IS JUICIER THAN PARIS - Monday 13 July 2009

In sunny South Africa last week, Khanyisile Mbau, who is known as South Africa’s own Paris Hilton, has renounced her South African life as a social butterfly, to flit across to flirt with Dubai’s construction industry.

The move comes after she announced on a commercial radio station last week that she was separating from her zillionaire husband, Mandla Mthembu.

Now here is a story that even Paris herself would never be able to match.

Mandla Mthembu ran a printing company in Johannesburg called Sechaba Photoscan, without conspicuous success. He drove around in a beaten old BMW and his friends remember him coming every so often to ask for petrol money.

In 1998, Mandla saw an advertisement in a newspaper.
The government was in financial trouble, and was holding a fire sale of government enterprises. It had advertised the sale of Transnet Production House.
Mandla sent off a bid.

To cut a long story short, ywo years after submitting the bid, Mandla was informed that the bid had been awarded to Skotaville Press.
Then he received a phone call from Zwelibanzi ‘Miles’ Nzama, the official in charge of the auction.
Nzama told him that he would guarantee that Mandla won the bid, if he gave 15% of the shares to the African National Congress Fundraising Trust.
Mandla refused.

Incensed, Mandla went to court and sued the government for R60,689,000 rands, which he said represented the profits Sechaba would have made out of the business in the three years since bids were called for.
After Transnet admitted that Miles had tried to persuade Sechaba to give shares to the ANCFT for a throwaway price, the trial judge awarded Mandla R57, 650,544.

Mnadla then started an agency called Umsobo Investment Holdings. It picked up a contract to import Saudi crude and sell it to the local oil companies. That contract proved to be a gold mine. By 2005, Mandla was a billionaire.

What is a man approaching fifty to do with so much money? Mandla promptly divorced his wife, Dolly Matshabe, with whom he had two children. He gave her a 3-million-rand fully furnished cluster home in Bedfordview, and a monthly allowance of R10,000. Having thus pensioned off the family, he bought his freedom to enjoy himself.

In the meantime, in April 2005, Lindiwe Chibi, the heroine in the hugely popular South African situation comedy Muvango, was shot in the head by her boyfriend outside their Soweto home.
The producers had to replace her in a hurry and the part went to the bubbly 19-year-old Khanyisile Mbau.
She was an instant hit and virtually overnight she became famous and popular. But she gained a reputation for being a ‘wild girl’, and six months later, when her contract came up for renewal, the producers fired her.

But by then she had met Mandla, and they were birds of a feather.
Pretty soon Mandla and Khanyi was known as South Africa’s King and Queen of bling.

But, all good things must come to an end.
Amid rumours that the couple were struggling to keep up payments on their twin R4m yellow Lambhorginis, they were rudely awakened when they were evicted from their luxury flat in Joburg’s Melrose Arch.

Suddenly Mbau is saying she’s had enough of her millionaire husband after putting up with his alleged abuse - emotional and physical - for almost two years, and has left him.
"I already know that it's going to change my life. I am beyond happy," she said. "At one point I felt like a caged animal. I felt trapped.’

Mthembu hit back, claiming Mbau had "not been wife material" and that she was an unabashed money grabber.

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CORRUPT BY NATURE - Thursday 9 July 2009

In 2003, Marthinus van Schalkwyk implicated then deputy minister of social development David Malatsi and Western Cape premier Peter Marais in corruption.

The scandal surrounded the granting of an application for the development of the multi-million rand Roodefontein Golf Estate near Plettenberg Bay while Malatsi was Western Cape MEC for environmental affairs and development planning.

Malatsi resigned from government, and that was the end of that scandal.

It’s good thing that he did, because it seems that, six years down the line, his ill-gotten millions have dried up.

No longer in a position of power with access to the millions to be made from fraud and corruption, Malatsi has turned to what can be deemed petty crime by his standards.

On Tuesday, he appeared briefly in the Ekangala Magistrate's Court in Mpumalanga on charges of theft and possession of a suspected stolen car.

Malatsi (49) was released on R5000 bail and the case was postponed to August to allow for further investigation.

Malatsi was arrested on Monday morning at his home in Section C of Ekangala township. He was caught driving a new Ford Bantam bakkie that went missing from a motor dealership in Centurion, outside Pretoria.

With the help of a tracker system, the vehicle was traced to his home.

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VERTICAL SEATING ON NO FRILLS FLIGHTS - Wednesday 8 July 2009

Cheap flights a la Kulula etc was a welcome relief.
A ir travel has become ridiculously expensive, and if you are simply traveling to a meeting in another province, who needs the plastic meals, earplugs and wet wipes anyway.
We have become accustomed to these no frill flights and most people today have no problem with, and in fact welcome the cost effective service.

Except for those who can afford to have a problem with it anyway.

But how far are you prepared to compromise?

What if you were offered ‘vertical seating.’
Would you accept ‘standing room only’ on flight RA1099 from Cape Town to Durban?

Irish carrier Ryanair is in talks with US planemaker Boeing about adapting its aircraft so that some passengers could be placed in ‘vertical seating’ and Chinese carrier Spring Airlines is in discussions with European planemaker Airbus about a similar plan.

Passengers "wouldn't be fully standing, they would have something like a stool to lean on or to sit on,’ said Stephen Macnamara, spokesperson for Ryanair.

I can think of many ways to get more people onto the plane.
For example:
· Put extra passengers into the cargo hold. Depending on the demand, these passengers could even sit on the luggage.
· Get Boeing and Airbus to make a plane with shelving where passengers could enjoy ‘horizontal seating’, like they used on the slave ships in days of old.
· Take a hint from Indian busses and ships, and sell space for passengers to sit on the wings.
· Fit all planes with roof carriers. This will allow for extra passengers who can sit on their luggage, in this way killing two birds with one stone.

 

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PROTECT YOURSELF FROM IDENTITY THEFT - Tuesday 7 July 2009

Would you expect a reputable retail store or a financial institution to use a copy of your ID document for identity fraud?
Probably not.
But, people work at these establishments, and people are after all people.

If staff at Home Affairs are involved in identity fraud scams, what stops a dishonest worker at the bank or department store from doing the same.

How often has the bank requested a copy of your ID document.
Lately, many stores are insisting on the same when you pay by cheque or card, but are you really obliged to comply?

Not according to advocate Charles Pillay, the Onbudsman for Banking Services.

Two Capetonians and a Somerset West resident complained to Argus Action that Musica at NI City, Pick 'n Pay Family Store in Camps Bay, and Benbel at Somerset Mall had each insisted on copying the IDs they had willingly shown when paying for their purchases.

The customers said store staff had dismissed their objections, and they feared that the existence of copies of their IDs in the hands of unauthorised individuals put them at greater risk of identity theft.

"They are right to be worried. I would refuse because the potential for a copy of my ID to be used to my detriment is just too great," said Pillay.

"The Financial Intelligence Centre Act obliges banks to establish and verify the identity of every client before they can enter into a business relationship. But there is no obligation in the act to actually copying ID books.

"You can, and in fact are advised to, tell the bank you do not want your ID book copied. The bank can verify your identity by simply looking at you and at your photo and record on the file that it is satisfied that you are the person that appears in the ID book."

Ashley Searle, director of the Western Cape Office of the Consumer Protector, said the draft Protection of Personal Information Bill developed by the Department of Justice and Constitutional Development in 2006 had yet to go through the legislative process.

In the meantime, consumers had the right to refuse to have their personal details copied and stored after evaluating the reasons advanced for wanting to do so.

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THE R6.5-MILLION WEBSITE - Monday 6 July 2009

So both articles today are rife with skepticism, but how does one justify spending R6.5-million on developing a website?

The cost of developing the Durban city council's World Cup website has been described as exorbitant, but the council says the R6.5 million price tag is justified as it was not only for the website design and development but includes content, translation and state of the art technology.

Mike Sutcliffe, who is the eThekwini city manager, said yesterday the technology that would be used for the website was generally not in use in South Africa. "My understanding is that it is really state-of-the-art stuff."

The site is being developed in three phases.
To date, R800 000.00 has been spent on phase one, which has not been completed.
Phase one includes information in Zulu and English and a site search function.
Phase two would include translation into French, German and Spanish, video content and interactive city mapping.
Phase three will include the integration of a Fifa content feed and a blogging function.

I am not a web developer, but if I put my mind to it, and using open-source software available for free on the web, with Joomla or Wordpress, a touch of youtube and a bit of Googling, I would be able to develop a site with all those facilities.

Arthur Goldstück, managing director of World Wide Worx, an independent technology market research company that conducts website benchmarking, said it appeared to be a case of people paying for technology they do not understand and were justifying the cost to themselves based on their perception of how high tech it sounded.
Goldstück said this appeared to be "a very standard service".

JSE-listed firm AdaptIT was developing the site, which was launched two weeks ago.
The managing director of AdapIT, S'bu Tashabalala, declined to comment on the costs of the project.

My take is that, once again, the husband of the wife of somebody’s cousin was awarded the contract, subject to a hefty kickback.

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TALES FROM THE GARDEN OF EDEN - Friday 3 July 2009

After about a thousand years alone in the Garden of Eden, Adam became bored with the fruit, whispering brooks, beautiful clouds, the pretty flowers and the endless peaceful valleys.
So, he called God and said ‘I’m lonely and bored.’

‘I saw this coming’ said God, ‘so I have planned to create the perfect partner for you.’
"This WOMAN will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. But, creating her is very expensive, so it is going to cost you.’

‘How much?’ asked Adam.
‘It will cost you an arm and a leg, an eye, an ear and your left testicle,’ quoted God.
Adam thought for while and then asked ‘What can I get for a rib?’

Meanwhile, in another dimension, after about a thousand years alone in the Garden of Eden, Eve had exactly the same problem.

‘I saw this coming’ said God, ‘so I have planned to create the perfect partner for you.’
"But, this MAN will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. To avoid any unnecessary hassles however, you can only have him on one condition.’

‘What’s the catch?’ asked Eve.
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring ... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret. You know, woman to woman."

When Adam first laid eyes on Eve he was knocked out.
‘Why did you make her so beautiful Lord?’ he enquired.
‘So that you will like her Adam,’ answered God.
A few days later, Adam again called God and asked ‘Why did you have to make her so stupid?’
‘So that she will like you Adam,’ responded God.

The first lesson God tried to teach Adam and Eve was ‘ Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.’
‘Forbidden fruit?’ said Adam, 'We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve! We have forbidden fruit!’
‘No way!’ said Eve.
‘Way’ said Adam.
‘Where? Where?’ said Eve.
‘Don’t eat that fruit!’ said God.
‘Why?’ they asked.
‘Because I am your father and I said so!’ said God.

A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry. "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh, " Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno" Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"Did too!"

God was frustrated and decided that the best way to get back at them was to let them have their own children.

So God called Adam and said ‘It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the Earth, so I want you to kiss her.’
‘What’s ‘kiss’ Lord?’ asked Adam
So God gave him a brief description and Adam took Eve behind a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, he emerged and said ‘Thank you Lord. That was most enjoyable.’

‘Now I want you to caress her,’ said God.
‘Yes Lord,’ said Adam, ‘but what is ‘caress’?’
Again God gave him a description and Adam and Eve disappeared behind the bush.
About twenty minutes later Adam emerged beaming and said ‘That was even better Lord.’

‘Now I want you to make love to her,’ said God.
‘Yes Lord,’ said Adam, ‘ but what is ‘make love’?’
When God explained to Adam he disappeared behind the bush with Eve.

This time, Adam was back after only a few seconds.
‘Tell me Lord,’ he asked., ‘what is a headache?’

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THE LESSON IN THE RECESSION - Wednesday 1 July 2009

Divorce is usually due to issues of money or fidelity.
With more than half of today’s marriages ending in divorce, I was not surprised to see Oprah do a show on how to ensure that your relationship survives the recession.

Btw, Oprah should be the last person to advise people on this subject, as she has no human relationship of substance in her life.
But Oprah is an expert on all things, and as usual did not hesitate to add her 50 cents (or is it $50-million) to the advice given to couples by the so-called expert on the show.

For me, along with Oprah, said expert lost all of his credibility when he advised couples in ailing relationships to revisit ‘the time when you were in love with each other.’

I have always maintained that being in love is an emotion.
We seldom choose to fall in love, and it is virtually guaranteed that we will, sooner or later, fall out of love.
True love, however takes hard work, and the work never completely comes to an end.

What is it that we are looking for in a relationship, and what is it that we bring to a relationship?
Why do we need a relationship in the first place?

The basic need for a relationship, to me at least, is that it gives me a sense of belonging.
Whether there are children or not is irrespective.
I need a relationship to give me this sense of belonging.
What I bring to the relationship is that I offer my partner, and our children if there are any, a sense of belonging.

A safe, secure, understanding, forgiving, nurturing and loving place, where I belong.

If, what I bring to or hope to get out of the relationship is in any way material, the relationship is without substance.
Many people today are in relationships and marriages that are without true substance.
Relationships without substance do not last, no matter how rich you are, or what level of fidelity you practice.

The recession is a wonderful opportunity for us all to take another look at our value systems, and to hopefully get more closely in touch with our true value.

We are human and we are alive.
We have the capacity to love and be loved irrespective of our material worth.
This is the essence of life.
This is happiness.

Kader Khan
Editor
info@yummie.co.za