HAS BRUNO
GONE TOO FAR? - Thursday 30 July 2009
Sacha Baron Cohen is no stranger to lawsuits.
In fact, with scores of lawsuits under his belt for Ali
G and Borat, he has earned himself the unofficial title
of ‘The Lawsuit Generator’ in the land of
the glitterati.
With Bruno, he may have gone too far.
In Bruno, Cohen poses as
Bruno Gehard – pronounced Gayhard - a flamboyantly
gay Austrian fashion reporter, who in one scene interviews
a "terrorist" in his quest for fame.
The so-called terrorist has joined the
queue to sue the actor, but that is not the problem.
In the movie, Ayman Abu Aita - a member
of Fatah, the ruling Palestinian party - is portrayed
as the leader of the Al-Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades.
In the interview Bruno tells him "I want to be famous.
I want the best guys in the business to kidnap me. Al-Qaeda
is so 2001."
He then suggests the group shave their beards because
"your king Osama looks like a kind of dirty wizard
or homeless Santa".
Al-Aqsa, one of the main armed Palestinian
militant groups, has condemned the movie as ‘part
of a conspiracy’ against them, and they warn "We
reserve the right to respond in the way we find suitable
against this man."
Al-Aqsa is not known for engaging in lawsuits.
Al-Aqsa is known for suicide bombers and beheadings
A statement from the infuriated group
said: "This was a dirty use of our brother Ayman,
and we don't accept that the Al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades
is part of the film."
Aaron Klein, the Jerusalem-based journalist who received
the statement from the Martyrs' Brigades, said: "Once
I asked what they would do if they found out one of their
members was a homosexual. They replied they would cut
off his head."
Baron Cohen, whose family are Orthodox
Jewish, was yesterday said to be taking their threats
"seriously".
Wise decision Bruno!
____________________________
THE REMAINING
JACKSON 10: CASHING IN - Wednesday 29 July 2009
The Jacksons are cashing in.
According to Grace Rwaramba, the long-time nanny of Michael’s
children, Michael’s mother Katherine called on the
day that Michael died demanding to know where the singer
had hid money.
Katherine also did an about turn by agreeing
to turn Neverland into a shrine.
Joe Jackson, who was written out of the will by Michael
as pay-back for his allegedly brutal disciplining of him
as a child, is said to be in negotiation with financiers
Colony Capital, which owns a stake in Michael's former
home Neverland, to turn the amusement park into a shrine
to the King of Pop.
At the same time, Joe is in the process
of negotiating contracts, said to be worth in excess of
£60 million, to reform the Jackson 5 for a world
tour next year, and preparations for the eight remaining
brothers and sisters from the musical clan to appear in
a lucrative concert in London to mark what would have
been Jackson's 51st birthday next month are also at an
advanced stage.
Sony Pictures are reported to have offered
£37-million for the rights to a produce a DVD from
100 hours of footage of Jackson performing during his
final days, and plans are in place to release two live
albums from recordings made of rehearsals for the 50 dates
at London’s O2 Arena.
To add to the millions being bandied around,
Wall Street sources say at least four major finance companies
are in negotiations with the Jackson family about buying
Michael's 50 percent stake in the Sony/ATV music catalogue,
which holds the rights to most of The Beatles' songs.
The asking price: a shade over £300-million
Certainly, things are once again looking
up for the 53-year-old La Toya. She has a record out next
week, hastily released to make the most of the mania for
all things Jackson since the death of her brother last
month.
Meanwhile, she and her siblings are about to put pen to
paper on a reported £10-million (R128m) deal to
appear in a Jackson family reality show for US cable broadcaster
A&E.
La Toya is missing her call here.
Who better to do Michael Jackson impersonations than La
Toya?
______________________________________
EXCESSIVE
MOTHERLY LOVE - Thursday 23 July 2009
Susanna Banger is 73-years-old.
As an administrative clerk at an estate agency, she earned
R6000pm, and her husband had a pension of R750.
The two lived in a rented townhouse in Pretoria’s
Faerie Glen, and drove a beat-up old Honda Ballade.
When her favorite son lost his job as
an IT contractor, Susanna did not hesitate to support
him by giving him money every month, for ‘necessities.’
Over a period of three years, she gave
her 45-year-old son a total of R2 034 146.73!
Allan, the son, drives a BMW, his daughter
is at a private school, and admits to living a flashy
lifestyle.
Last year, Susanna was jailed for ten
years after being found guilty of stealing R2.3m from
her employer.
Now, Allan Banger is facing 636 charges
of money laundering and 318 charges of fraud in the Connercial
Crimes Court in Pretoria.
At his trial this week, he testified that
it never occurred to him to wonder where the money was
coming from - even when he received R73 000 from her in
certain months.
He further testified that he had always been "very
close" to his mother, and although they spoke about
many things, money was not one of the subjects.
He denied that he knew anything about his parents' financial
affairs. He also didn't open his bank statements and therefore
hadn't noticed the strange payments, he said.
"To sum up, I had been spoilt from a very young age."
When questioned about how he thought his mother had made
this kind of money as an administrative clerk at an estate
agent, he said he "didn't think" about it.
"I never, ever, ever, suspected anything. No one
would have expected something like this from my mother,"
he said.
The case was postponed to next month.
______________________________
CORPORAL
PUNISHMENT FOR DRINKING BEER - Wednesday 22 July 2009
Malaysia has a two-track legal system,
with the civil courts operating alongside state-based
Shariah courts.
Muslims are governed by Shariah laws in family and personal
matters, while ethnic Chinese, Indians and other races
come under civil courts.
The consumption of alcohol is forbidden
for Muslims according to Shariah Law.
They are however, rarely punished for it.
But it really depends on which judge is trying your case
if you are caught.
If you are unfortunate enough to appear
in the court of Judge Abdul Rahman Yunus, you are in deep
trouble.
In 2005, he sentenced two brothers to six strokes of the
cane.
Then in January this year, Mohamad Nasir
Mohamad, 38, a father of four, and waitress Noorazah Baharuddin,
22, who were found guilty of drinking beer separately
in pubs in July last year, were both sentenced to six
strokes of the cane.
This week he sentenced a tearful 32 year-old
Kartika Sari Devi, a part time model from Singapore, to
the same fate, and fined her R11k to boot.
Kartika was found drinking beer in a nightclub while on
holiday in the state of Pahang in Malaysia last year.
I have witnessed similar canings in Saudi
Arabia.
They are not to be confused with a caning from the headmaster.
These strokes, administered to your bare back by professionals,
draw blood.
Each stroke draws blood.
'The ruling only concerns Muslims and
it does not affect the non-Muslims. It is to remind the
Muslims not to drink.’ Said Judge Yunus.
Pictured below are beer criminals Noorazah,
Mohamad and Kartika.
____________________________________
INSIDE
INFORMATION ON HOUSE ROBBERIES - Tuesday 21 July 2009
During the past year, house robberies
in South Africa increased by 13.5%.
50% of the robberies in the country occur in Gauteng,
and 77% of all house robberies are based on inside information.
This is the latest in crime intelligence
research done by Dr Rudolph Zinn, senior lecturer in the
School of Criminal Justice at Unisa, in a study he did
on house robberies and house robbers.
Zinn’s report also substantiates
previous findings that most attacks occur between 7pm
and midnight, as people are more relaxed and they have
not yet turned on the alarm systems.
Robbers divulge that people moving around
the house, the sound of the TV and food preparation assist
them in getting into the house unnoticed.
Zinn’s information comes from interviews
conducted with prisoners in the six largest prisons in
Gauteng.
According to these prisoners, their information comes
from domestic workers, employees, gardeners, hawkers and
any person who has access to the house.
Convicts say that house robbery is a high-risk
crime, and they needed to lower the risk by knowing what
security was in place.
They also gained information regarding valuables and large
amounts of cash in the house.
According to Zinn, a number of small dogs
kept inside the house is the most effective deterrent.
These dogs will react to suspicious sounds and warn the
residents.
Large dogs kept outside the house are easily poisoned,
but an electronic security system outside the house had
a bigger and better deterrence factor as it warned residents
and alerted neighbors before an intruder gets into the
house.
_________________________________
HOW DOES
ONE THANK MADIBA - Monday 20 July 2009
On Saturday, we were all urged to volunteer
67 minutes of our time to do work that would better the
lives of others, in honour of Mandela Day.
67 reflects the number of years since Mandela took up
the struggle for equality in South Africa, and Mandela
Day is a day when we are reminded that one person’s
effort can make a difference.
|
"We are
humbled by the call for an annual Mandela Day in
our honour. Our struggle for freedom and justice
was a collective effort. Mandela Day is no different,"
Mandela said in a message that was video-taped before
his 91st birthday on Saturday. |
Nelson Mandela, whether singularly or
collectively certainly made a difference.
He made a marked difference in my life, a huge difference
in the life of my child, and a colossal difference to
the life of my grandchild.
I am grateful to Madiba, but how does
one thank such a humble person.
Journalist Jean Barker has something to
say about that.
‘Perhaps by letting him live his
last years in a country that resembles the land he dreamed
of and fought for, so that he can rest in peace (and occasionally
get some rest). We owe it to him, to preserve those values
of freedom and tolerance for which he spent more than
two thirds of my lifetime in jail,.’ she writes.
Well said Jean.
Truly well said.
________________________________
PULL OVER
FOR EMERGENCY VEHICLES - Thursday 16 July 2009
Ever been sitting in peak traffic when
you hear the frantic wailing of supposed emergency vehicles
approaching and you have to pull over to let them pass?
Emergency vehicles. Fire trucks, Ambulances,
the Jaws of Life vehicle, the flying squad.
Right?
Ever been pissed off to realize that it
is a prison truck transporting prisoners to or from court
or prison? With a convoy of police vehicles escorting
them?
I thought I was the only one who does
not take kindly to the occurrence.
It’s enough that I have to pull over for parliamentarians
and police or traffic officers who are simply late for
work.
I personally know a traffic officer who regularly takes
his children to school with the siren blaring.
The children think they are special.
The father thinks he has the right to do that.
Paul. News24 reader suggests that run
of the mill prisoners be kept at the court cells until
after peak hour. ‘What’s the rush?’
he asks. ‘Will they miss their favorite TV program?’
He recommends that maximum-security prisoners be transported
in couple of converted Pumas – that’s if the
army hasn’t totaled or sold them to a scrap yard
– he adds.
I am with Paul on this one.
_________________________________
THE PERFECT
BODY ACCORDING TO WOMEN - Wednesday 15 July 2009
In Heat magazine’s Body Envy 2009
survey, women voted Megan Fox number one.
Julian Linley, editor of the magazine said: ‘We’ve
always known that Megan was a hit with men, but we are
surprised at how quickly she has made an impact on women
– they consider her to have the most covetable celebrity
body.’
Cheryl Cole, Kelly Brook, Angelina Jolie
and Beyonce, in that order, filled the top five.
But, when women were asked to describe
the PERFECT body things gor a little more complicated.
They describe the perfect body as ‘
Megan’s face, Jennifer’s arms, Angelina’s
breasts, Beyonce’s curves and Kelly’s legs.
I had some time on my hands so decided
to do you all a favour and put together the pieces to
bring you a picture of
BEYANJEN KELMEG!
____________________________________
FLOODS IN
CAPE TOWN - Tuesday 14 July 2009
____________________________
PARIS HILTON
SUED FOR $8.3M - Monday 13 July 2009
Finally, another worthy excuse to post
a pic of la petite Paree.
A couple of years ago, Worldwide Entertainment
Group was exposed and shut down as a $300m Ponzi scheme
by the Securities and Exchange Commission of America.
At the time, the company was the principal investor in
the 2006 movie Pledge This, starring la petite Paree.
The court appointed attorney Michael Goldberg
to handle the receivership of the defunct entertainment
company.
Goldberg then invested $600 000 from the receivership
account to complete the movie in hopes that Hilton's promotion
prowess would enable it to turn a profit.
The movie bombed.
Now Goldberg is suing Paris Hilton for
$8.3m in damages, claiming that she violated her contract
by rejecting or ignoring requests by producers to appear
on talk shows and do radio and magazine interviews for
the film.
On
Friday, Paris arrived in court in a skimpy sleeveless
black number and sporting 15cm stilettos and of
course her trademark diamonds. |
|
On her way to the witness stand she surprised
Chief US District judge Frederico Moreno by waving at
him.
‘I've never had a witness wave at me before,’
the judge cracked.
From there the case turned into a spectacle
as Paris and the judge flirted with each other.
In another exchange, Moreno was puzzled by the title of
Hilton's current reality show, My New BFF.
‘Paris Hilton’s New Best Friend Forever’
explained our heroine.
‘In that case,’ remarked Moreno, ‘this
will be my BCE. Best Case Ever.’
Without missing a beat, Hilton replied "You're my
BJF. Best Judge Forever."
Paris acknowledged in court that the movie
didn't turn out very well but insisted she plugged it
for everything she was worth.
"If I have my name attached to something, I want
it to be as big as it can be," the 28-year-old heiress,
model and actress testified.
Hilton insisted she was never told her contract required
appearances after the October 2006 premiere of Pledge
This! and said she spent more than two years promoting
it beforehand, including two high-profile trips to the
Cannes Film Festival in France.
"My people handle my schedule. I'm a brand. I'm a
businesswoman. I have 13 different product lines. I'm
always working," Hilton said.
At one point, Hilton was testifying about how full her
schedule was during rehearsals for her next film, 2008's
The Hottie & The Nottie, when Moreno interrupted.
"Was it better than this one?" the judge said,
referring to Pledge This!.
"It was really good," Hilton answered with a
giggle.
Testimony concluded on Friday but Moreno
did not immediately issue a ruling.
If he finds Hilton breached her contract, a separate proceeding
could be held to determine any damages.
________________________________
MANDELA
DAY: SOUTH AFRICA’S LOSS - Thursday 9 July 2009
At first, the news that the official inaugural
Mandela Day on July 18 is to be staged in New York angered
me.
Nelson Mandela is undisputedly South Africa’s
greatest son, and surely the huge benefits of staging
any such celebration in his name, should be South Africa’s.
Then I had a vision of the stadium on
the day when Nelson Mandela celebrated his 90th birthday
in South Africa last year.
Visions of Madiba, in person, facing a
largely empty stadium.
Visions of Cedric Sampson foolishly acting like he was
Phil Collins performing to millions of fans.
And I was saddened.
There is no doubt that some people will
make a lot of money from this celebration, and there is
no doubt that New York City will benefit hugely from it.
The concert is the culmination of a weeklong
series of events in New York in celebration of the first
Mandela Day, designed as a call around the world for people
to honor Nelson Mandela's inspiration and values.
But it is also a fundraiser for 46664
supported by The Nelson Mandela Foundation, and 46664
is a global campaign to raise AIDS awareness and raise
funds to fight the pandemic in Southern Africa.
In South Africa last year, tickets for
Madiba’s birthday were R40 each and only about 1000
people supported the cause.
No wonder then that the organizers have
chosen to celebrate the inaugural Mandela Day in New York.
By illustrating that each individual has
the ability to make an imprint and make the world a better
place, Nelson Mandela inspired the world.
It is a pity that we, as South Africans,
do not seem to be inspired by this great man, who dedicated
his life to gaining freedom.
Freedom for South Africans.
Freedom to make a difference.
Freedom to achieve greatness.
This is what we have lost.
Will.i.am, T-Pain, Morgan Freeman, Matt Damon, Loyiso
Bala, Thandiswa Mazwai, Forest Whitaker, Alicia Keys,
Vusi Mahlasela, Sharon Stone, Wyclef Jean, Freshlyground,
Whoopi Goldberg, Stevie Wonder, Cyndi Lauper, Aretha Franklin,
Josh Groban, Susan Sarandon, Gloria Gaynor, Yvonne Chaka
Chaka, Carla Bruni, Chris Chameleon, Queen Latifah, Angelique
Kidjo, Baba Maal, Jesse McCartney, Clint Eastwood, Lawrence
Fishburne, Quincy Jones and many others.
_______________________________
CANAL
WALK OF SHAME - Wednesday 8 July 2009
Security at Canal Walk is being seriously
questioned after five men, armed with only a crowbar,
robbed a jewelry store at the mall on Monday evening.
The men threatened the staff with the
crowbar and made off with an undisclosed amount of goods
after locking the staff in the manager’s office.
This is the third time that robbers have
targeted the mall this year.
In May a 25-year-old employee at John
Dory's restaurant in Canal Walk was shot in the neck during
an attempted armed robbery, and in April, a Canal Walk
boutique manager was shot in the foot when he attempted
to intervene in an armed robbery.
How do they do that?
I would imagine that robbing a store in
a mall is a risky and complicated business.
What do you do afterwards?
I mean, you have to make your getaway through the mall,
and finding an exit at Canal Walk is never a simple affair.
Do you run like crazy, in case the staff
manages to free themselves and alert security, or do you
stroll casually like a normal shopper, confident that
no one will be alerted?
Do you then stand in the queue to pay
for parking and then casually put the loot in your boot
before driving off?
Do you even go there by car, or do you
enter and escape on foot to your getaway car waiting in
the residential area behind the mall?
What we do know is that security at the
mall is the least of your worries.
They are far too busy joking with each other on their
two-way radios and chatting up waitresses.
The other day, an elderly lady fell at
the foot of the escalator. The security guard, in his
red blazer, was too busy chatting up the waitress at Wimpy
to offer any assistance.
Not that he was too busy to notice.
He actually looked on as other shoppers offered assistance,
while he continued chatting up the giggling waitress.
__________________________
NUDE PHOTOS
OF MY SEXY MOM FOR SALE - Tuesday 7 July 2009
A New Zealand mother claimed to be ‘pretty
annoyed’ when her son tried to auction five nude
photographs of her on the Internet.
But, when the site Trade Me pulled the
auction, she was livid.
44-year-old Jennifer had an argument with
her son Michael, and as punishment she instructed him
to clear the family garage and sell any unwanted items.
When
Michael discovered five nude photos of his mom in
the garage, he saw an opportunity to get back at
her.
The 18-year-old student opened an auction to sell
the five nude photos of hos sexy mom to the highest
bidder on the Trade Me site.
|
|
|
Trade
Me pulled the auction the next day because of ‘inappropriate’
photos, but Michael was soon back trying to sell
a series of eight-year-old "glamour" shots
of his mother, including one of her in underwear.
|
When this one was also pulled from the
site, Jennifer was more annoyed at Trade Me than at Michael.
You see, although Jennifer had an arrangement
with Michael that they would split the takings, she was
more upset because she missed the ‘nice comments’
about her from prospective buyers.
Vanity has no price tag.
Trade Me spokesperson Jon Macdonald said
both auctions were withdrawn because
‘We don't really want to be the place where people
list photos of their mums in their underwear.’
_________________________
BRITAIN
TOPS THE LIST FOR VIOLENT CRIME - Monday 6 July 2007
The news websites were abuzz last week
with the statistics compiled and released by the European
Commission indicating that there is more violent crime
in both Britain and Austria than there is in South Africa.
As far as violence in relation to population
size is concerned, Britain is at the top of the list with
2034 crimes per 100 000 people.
In Austria, this figure is 1677 per 100 000, and in South
Africa it is 1609.
The statistics are derived from European Commission documents,
and were also distributed by the United Nations.
Apparently the incidence of violence in
Britain has risen by 77% since 1998.
Not surprisingly, South Africans in Britain
took part in the online debate with great enthusiasm.
One ex-pat called Callum commented on
the Daily Mail’s website that he did not believe
the report ‘for one second.’
"Britain and Europe are safe places to live."
He said.
In turn, Dean, a Brit living in Cape Town
wrote that the news about Britain's crime levels didn’t
surprise him in the least, and that it was precisely for
that reason that he moved to South Africa.
Personally, I too find it hard to believe
that South Africa is safer than Britain and Austria, but
a completely different report in The Sunday Times shed
some light on the subject.
The Independent Complaints Directorate
of South Africa is investigating several police stations
across the country, after whistleblowers claimed that
police stations were manipulating crime statistics.
One station under investigation f or submitting false
statistics was even awarded the top spot as the station
most successful in decreasing crime in its area.
____________________________
DRINKING
AND DRIVING INTO THE FUTURE - Thursday 2 July 2009
In March this year Japan’s Honda
Motor Co introduced the latest version of its celebrity
robot ASIMO.
This robot can be controlled remotely by a person wearing
an electrode studded helmet.
The technology, Brain Machine Interface
(BMI) measures localised brain activity when the wearer
of the helmet concentrates on performing certain physical
movements.
Now Toyota has announced
that it had invented a way to allow a person to steer
an electronic wheelchair through simple thought.
The company said the system is 95 percent
accurate and able to adjust itself to the characteristics
of individual users.
"Thus the driver is able to get the system to learn
his/her commands (forward/right/left) quickly and efficiently,"
said the statement.
Although the technology at this stage
is aimed at creating a robot to help the elderly with
housekeeping chores like watering plants or serving food,
it got me thinking.
If it was possible to control a wheelchair
through thought, surely a car that can be driven through
thought is not far away.
Then, if I could control the robot, maybe the robot can
drive the car while I relax on the backseat?
We would never have to worry about drinking
and driving again.
Or would we?
How would the robot deal with my stupid
and unnecessary arguments?
Why do we have to go home now?
Is it my frigging fault that you are frigging tired?
What if, wildly inspired, I start belting out Mambo No
5 at the top of my voice?
To the left…to the left.
Would ASIMO be able to decipher my thoughts and relay
it to the car quick enough if I suddenly needed it to
stop so that I could evict the salomie that I gobbled
down in three bites outside The Dish?
Just random thoughts as I contemplate
the future.
________________________________
IS CAPE
TOWN READY FOR ONLINE DATING? Wednesday 1 July 2009
This is only the second time
in the two-and-a-half year history of yummie that I was
tempted to post someone else’s work in it’s
entirety.
Because the article is too
long – not because of my moral code – I decided
to post a link to the blog instead.
The writer takes a look at
online dating, and the readiness of Capetonians to do
it.
He claims to have extensively researched the subject,
but warns ‘… this is a comical piece.'
You
simply must check this out.
Kader Khan
Editor
info@yummie.co.za
