2OUENSVIBE: WORK IS A HOLIDAY. LIVE THE SIDELINE I emerged slowly, irritably, from a troubled sleep, to the incessant beeping of my cellphone. Seventeen ‘please call me’s’ from the angels in Koeberg Road. I knew instinctively what this meant. TBG sighting! Inspired, I threw on my blankie, grabbed my seven-year-old Motorola Razor with the cracked screen and rushed out of the safe house, hoping to get a picture to post on this site.

I searched frantically for Brutus in the parking lot before remembering that I had sold him months ago to pay the rent, and now did not own a car.
Blankie flapping in the howling Brooklyn wind, I ran/stumbled up to Amigos – read Capricegos – where all the angels linger, only to find that the Tall Black Guy had already been arrested.

Defeated, I grumbled my way back to the safe house.

The complex that houses the safe house boasts a communal refuse room, but residents don’t bother going into this room. They simply throw their rubbish in the general direction of the room.

 

I found Thobejane, snot running down his nose, greasy fingers smearing shabby clothes, much like a mini Aqualung, sitting on the floor in front of the refuse room.
He was gnawing on a Nandos bone that he had salvaged from the neighbour’s rubbish bag.

Thobejane is the fourteen-month-old son of Mavis, my once-a-week executive housekeeper.
Disgusted, I ignored him and sneaked sheepishly into the safe house, nervously glancing over my shoulder for signs of the arrears-policing landlord.

Mavis was sprawled on my bed watching reruns of Muvhango.

‘Are you still not working!’ she demanded in disgust, visibly agitated at my untimely arrival, as she fumed into the kitchen to put the kettle on.
‘There’s no milk!’ she screamed a minute later.

Next thing, Mavis was standing threateningly in the doorway to the dishevelled bedroom.
“I’m going now’ she barked.
‘Have you got my money!’

I heard later that the TBG was released a few minutes after his arrest, when he gave the policemen complimentary tickets to visit one of the angels on Tuesday night.

There you have it.

A complete fuck show.

Pretty cool hey?

Now touch yourself.

Kader Khan
Editor
info@yummie.co.za