On the first day, God
created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at
anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will
give you a life span of twenty years.'
The
dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How
about only ten years and I'll give you back the
other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created
the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this,
I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks
for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform.
How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created
the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long
and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span
of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind
of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How
about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created
man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this,
I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty
years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the
cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked
for it.'
So that is why for our first
twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For
the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain
the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on
the front porch and bark at everyone.
_______________________________
OLDER MAN
YOUNGER WOMAN - Thursday 29 January 2009
When
I saw American Vice President Joe Biden and his wife
Jill parading down the street after the inauguration,
the first thing that came to mind was ‘He has
a beautiful wife. She looks so much younger than him.’
It has become quite common
to see older men with younger partners on their arms these
days, but a closer look at the Bidens, and a bit of research,
revealed that she is not really that young. She only looks
younger than him.
Then I started paying more attention to these older man
couples and lo and behold, the women mostly just look younger.
Not
all of them though. For example Hugh Hefner’s
three partners are definitely younger than him!
Is this not unfair? Sexist?
Why is it not acceptable for men to enhance their looks
in this way?
Just kidding.
I have
a very clear picture in my head of what I would probably
look like with tinted and GHD’d hair, highlights
and lowlights, foundation, blusher, eyeliner, mascara,
lipstick and gloss and maybe a few shots of botox.
___________________________
GOAT ARRESTED
FOR CAR THEFT - Wednesday 28 January 2009
In Nigeria, Juju is big.
Like its close cousin voodoo, Juju is a form of black magic
that has its roots in ancient African religion, and as with
voodoo there is good Juju and bad Juju.
It’s easy to see the
difference in the two album covers below, but how would
one really distinguish between good and bad Juju.
Recently, two men tried to
steal a Mazda car in Kwara State in Nigeria, but they were
unlucky, as vigilantes caught them in the act and cornered
them.
The police were called, but
one suspect managed to escape before he could be arrested.
The other one?
He simply transformed himself
into a goat as police was about to apprehend him.
Good Juju
This did not faze the police
however, and they promptly arrested the goat.
They even paraded the goat before journalists, and at least
one newspaper published a picture of the guilty goat on
their front page.
Bad Juju.
___________________________________
THE YEAR OF
THE OX - Wednesday 27 January 2008
Yesterday was the start of
the Chinese lunar Year of The Ox, and soothsayers are predicting
a tough year ahead for 2009-2010.
Hong Kong especially reveres
its feng shui masters and fortune tellers -- men and women
who draw on ancient Chinese traditions to predict the future,
offer investment advice and help mere mortals make sense
of their destiny.
Alion Yeo, who predicted major
financial turbulence last year as well as a major disaster
in the East, sees further seismic shifts in global financial
markets come May and June this year.
"There will be another
major crisis, the bubble will burst again in the U.S. and
it will be worse than last year," said Yeo, who counts
top bankers and celebrities among his clients.
The feng shui masters have
also turned their skills to Obama, predicting that he is
likely to face stiff challenges, despite being born in an
"Ox" year. According to the Chinese zodiac, Ox
year people tend to be dependable and steady.
"In 2009, Obama will experience
a conflict of destiny and bad luck. He'll face a string
of incidents that may trip him up, mainly administrative
challenges."
According to the soothsayers we'll have to wait for the
years between 2011 till 2015 for a steadier period.
Happy New year to all my Chinese
readers, but I am grateful that I don’t believe in
soothsayers.
__________________________________
GRRRRR - Monday
26 January 2009
I have an uncanny ability to
recognize commercial hits before they become hits.
If I hate something, it is almost guaranteed that it will
become an international success.
The first time that I heard the song ‘Another
One Bites the Dust’ I thought ‘What utter
rubbish.’
Then when I read about the TV series Big Brother
I thought ‘Can there be a more ridiculous idea for
a TV series?’
The Coke Brr ad on TVmakes my stomach turn.
I find it disgusting and
revolting while at the same time embarrassing and infuriating.
It has such a strong effect on me that I cannot watch
it without flinching.
Come on, an Idi Amin look-alike as an African leader,
who with his idiotic sidekick, teaches foreign ambassadors
to brr?
Its just too close for comfort
to my personal nightmare of what we can expect from Zuma,
with Malema at his side. Incidentally, Malema has been shortlisted
by the ANC to become a MP. More proof of my foolproof prediction
machine?
But, I know that it is
just me, and hence I am not surprised that the Coke
Global Brand Director in Atlanta, Peter Schelstraete
called it ‘one of the best Coke Side of Life campaigns
ever produced in the world’ and it went on to
win Coca Cola's Global Marketing Excellence award.
Such was the success of the
Coke Brrr campaign, developed and launched by Ogilvy Johannesburg
last summer, that phase 2 was awarded to the agency.
Crrently screening locally,
and earmarked for the rest of the continent as well as the
Far East this year, phase two features our African leader
and sidekick attending a dull and boring world conference.
Flagging in the heat, our leader
gulps down an ice-cold Coke and is consumed by a massive,
uncontrollable Brrr. Viewers look on as the spontaneous
Brrr travels around the world energising everyone it
meets with a surge of refreshing, positive
energy. Who needs The Secret when Coke does it
for you.
Ogilvy creative director Bridget Johnson
has the nerve to say ‘ The memorable characters
are the perfect embodiment of African optimism
and Coca Cola is playing a role in spreading an indomitable
spirit of resilience and optimism, born in
Africa and shared with the world!”
______________________________
STORM
OVER BIENKIE NUDE PICS - Friday 23 January 2009
Cristina Storm –
Bienkie in Egoli – is furious about full frontal
nude pics of her published in the February issue of
Marie-Claire magazine.
Marie-Claire’s
‘Naked Issue’ campaign, now in its third
year, is geared at raising awareness around violence
against women.
But Marie-Claire
editor Kate Wilson has rejected claims that the ex-model-come-actor
was exploited.
"I
have in writing her permission to use the images both
inside and outside the magazine," Wilson has
stated.
"It's disappointing
to me that she would say she felt exploited," said
Wilson. "It's illogical to me because we honoured every
request she's made and the first time I heard about this
was after publication."
The photo shows a naked
Bienkie being sprayed with a hosepipe by her boyfriend.
It is only after both her
and her boyfriend’s families raised serious concerns
about the spread that, Christina made the claim of being
exploited.
She claims that she expressly
told them that 'no pictures of me from the waist down
are to be published.'
Why then, dear Bienkie, were these pics taken at the official
shoot?
______________________________
WHAT
MAKES BARACK OBAMA TICK - Thursday 22 January 2009
In his letter congratulating
Barrack Obama, Nelson Mandela states,
“Your election to this high office has inspired people
as few other events in recent times have done."
Like me, I am sure that all
of you have witnessed this inspiration manifesting, growing
with the election campaign, bursting with the victory, and
finally erupting at the inauguration.
So why does Obama inspire people
from all walks of life on such a scale?
In previous articles I am guilty
- albeit without prejudice - of using the cliché
‘ignorant masses’ when referring to
the majority of human beings on this planet.
Their faces at the inauguration has reminded me that these
people are considered ignorant relative to the man-made
perception of ignorance.
So what is ignorance, and more
importantly, what is the opposite of ignorance.
The opposite of ignorance is most definitely not intelligence,
because the root of ignorance is ‘ignore’.
Therefore ignorance has to do with not paying attention
to something that could have been paid attention to.
By nature, people want to be
happy.
Most people would be content with earning a wage that would
enable them to have a decent roof over their heads, food
on the table, a loving family and the freedom to be content.
They are also happy to pay taxes to be used for the purpose
of enhancing their lives through basic services, affordable
healthcare, safety and security and the like.
Barack Obama has simply reminded
them that this is their right.
He has - maybe briefly – restored their belief and
pride in their inherent right to be alive.
He has given them hope.
He has inspired them to live.
I am sure that we a very very
long way from realizing that by ignoring this inherent right,
we render ourselves ‘the ignorant minority’.
But, I am hopeful.
_________________________________________
DANCE YOUR
WAY TO FITNESS - LAUGH YOUR WAY TO HEALTH Wednesday 21 January
2009
VIDEO ONE
- TO LOSE WEIGHT
VIDEO
TWO - TO IMPRESS THE GAYDIES
_________________________________
DEFINING
THE YUMMIE READER - Tuesday 20 January 2009
Two years ago I started this
site with a very broad vision of building a database to
easily market events, parties and clubs. This is a business
that I know well.
After all, I have been in the entertainment industry for
most of my life.
I did some research and realised
that fresh content that is relative and of interest to the
target market was essential to building a database of regular
visitors.
Further research, coupled with hands on experience, showed
that this market was essentially interested in gossip, scandal,
girly pics and partying etc.
Personally, I have always been
interested in more than that.
I am often referred to as being
a deep person.
I never thought of myself as a deep person, but
the constant affirmation of this by others caused me to
start half-heartedly believing it.
Truth is, I thought that I
was a pretty normal person, but it became more and more
obvious that most people were the complete opposite of me.
Call me a slow starter if you
like, but I have now finally identified the person that
I wish to talk to when writing articles on this site.
I want to live a balanced and
fulfilled life that I can be proud of.
Over the years – many many years - my gut has always
prompted me to seek knowledge and question popular beliefs,
in search of my own truth.
It is this experience that I wish to share on this site.
So, from this day on, the Yummie
reader is clearly defined as anyone interested in pursuing
personal growth in order to equip themselves to define and
practice living their own balanced and fulfilled lifestyle.
In my opinion, that is The
Yummie Lifestyle.
And if that is not who you
are, you may as well close the browser now. This site is
not for you.
__________________________________________
NOW
ROBOTS PERFORM LIVE ON STAGE - Monday 19 January
On Saturday I had a conversation
with saxophonist Ivan Mazuze who has just released his debut
CD.
Ivan mentioned that he was aware of the fact that there
were not like thousands of people waiting to buy his cd,
not just because he is relatively unknown, but also because
of his chosen genre, being African Jazz.
I added that, the culture of
copying cds was another factor that negatively affected
cd sales.
‘Therefore’ I said, ‘you have to do as
many live performances as possible. At least live performances
cannot be copied or simulated by computers.’
The very next day, I read about
a robot band that is scheduled to perform ‘live’
at a major music festival in New Zealand.
The Trons is a mechanical quartet
that was created by Greg Locke using old electronic parts.
Mr Locke created the band last year and gained worldwide
attention after a clip of the band on YouTube gained more
than a million hits.
Ham on rhythm guitar, Wiggy
on lead guitar, Swamp on drums and Fifi on one-handed keyboards,
apparently performs original music.
Originally Fifi played bass but she performed poorly at
it.
_______________________________
THE
WORLD'S FIRST SPORTS BILLIONAIRE
Friday 16 January
2009
Tiger Woods is set to become
the first dollar billionaire sportsman in history within
the next 12 months, despite global recession.
Woods made more than $117m (R1,17bn) on and off the
golf course in 2008, leaving him just $115m (R1,15bn)
short of becoming golf's first $1bn player.
Though Woods felt the bite
of the world financial crisis in the autumn when General
Motors pulled out of their sponsorship deal one year
early, one suspects it won't be long before the gap
they left on Tiger's golf bag will be filled
GM paid the perennial world
No 1 $50m (R500m) during their nine-year partnership and
he is still the hottest sponsorship property in sport.
Eldrick Tont "Tiger"
Woods was born in Cypress, California to Earl (1932-2006)
and Kultida Woods (1944). He is the only child of their
marriage, but has two half-brothers and a half-sister.
Earl, a retired United States Army lieutenant colonel and
Vietnam War veteran, was of mixed African American (50 percent),
Chinese (25 percent) and Native American (25 percent) ancestry.
Kultida (nee Punsawad), originally from Thailand, is of
mixed Thai (50 percent), Chinese (25 percent), and Dutch
(25 percent) ancestry. This makes Woods himself one-quarter
Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter African American,
one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch.[8] He
refers to his ethnic make-up as “Cablinasian”
(a portmanteau he coined from Caucasian, Black, (American)
Indian, and Asian)
In October 2004
Tiger married Swedish model Elin Nordegren,
after proposing to her in South Africa in 2003.
The couple have one daughter. Can you imgine her ethnic
makeup?
A couple years ago, some nude pictures claiming
to be of Elin surfaced on the internet and was widely distributed
via email.
The
pictures were actually of Kimberley Hiott,
a Payboy model.
You can click on the girls to
make them big
In 2006 the pics were published in the Irish
magazine The Dubliner. Elin sued for libel but settlled
out of court for 120 000 Euros, which she donated to cancer
support charities.
Woods is a Buddhist. He has said that his
faith was acquired from his mother and that it helps control
both his stubbornness and impatience.
___________________________________
THE
GREAT TREK
South Aficans Heading Home
Thursday
15 January 2009
The global economic crunch is soon
going to leave South Africans working overseas with
no choice but to return home.
In the UK alone, it is predicted that in 2009, 200
businesses a day will close up shop, and 1600 people
will lose their jobs every day.
Truth is, in order to solve the issues
that will make South Africa the wonderful place that
it should be, we need not only the ex-pats, but indeed
the ones that are still living here, to come home.
It is never easy to move to
a new country.
It takes time and great effort and courage to accept and
adapt to a foreign culture, foreign language, and completely
different lifestyle.
Many expats will tell you this, and even those who endured
and eventually settled into their new lives will mostly
agree that there is one thing that cannot be replaced.
That thing is called roots.
There are many South Africans
who chose to stay in South Africa to try and make it work.
There are also millions of South African who had/have no
choice but to stay and make it work.
Today I read an article written
by Daniela Cohen, who, at the age of 16 immigrated to Canada
with her family.
15 years later, Daniela is back in South Africa by choice.
In her article she infers that,
when South Africa gained its freedom and became a democracy,
it in essence became a foreign country to the people of
South Africa.
In short, when the barriers of segregation were lifted,
South Africans found themselves in a strange country, with
strange laws, strange languages and strange cultures.
South Africans should have
realized that it would take great effort and courage to
adapt to this foreign country.
And, when they finally adapted, like so many of them have
in other lands, they would still have their roots, and we
would all have a great country.
You can read Daniela’s
full article here.
She explains it much better than what I can.
___________________________________
STARS FLOCK
TO PERFORM
Wednesday 14 January 2009
Imagine this line-up live on stage:
Beyoncé, U2, Bruce Springsteen, John Mellencamp,
Usher, Shakira, Sheryl Crow, Josh Groban, James Taylor,
Stevie Wonder, Renee Fleming, Garth Brooks, Mary J Blige,
Herbie Hancock, Heather Headley, John Legend and Jennifer
Nettles.
Throw in MCs such as Jamie Foxx, Martin Luther
King III, Queen Latifah and Denzel Washington.
Make no mistake, Barack Obama’s inauguration
at the Lincoln Memorial in New York on Monday 20 January
is going to be the greatest event ever staged in America.
Maybe the world.
Executive producer George Stevens said he
quickly learnt that this was not going to be like any other
special event he has booked in the past.
‘On the first day after getting the go ahead from
the inaugural committee we asked Bruce Springsteen, Bono
and Garth Brooks. In less than 45minutes we had three yeses.'
Stevens said he tried to reach out to a diversity
of artists. The theme for the show is We Are One and it
is less about celebration than national unification.
"The list of stars is impressive,"
he said. "But this is not a show biz, glitzy occasion.
It's going to be rooted in history, remembering the great
president (Lincoln) who led us through difficult times."
The artists won't be performing their big
hits, but will be asked to perform material appropriate
to the occasion. One musician will be asked to perform A
Change Is Gonna Come, the song made famous by Sam Cooke.
Springsteen will perform The Rising.
Stevens will be working with Don Mischer, who has produced
Olympics ceremonies in the past.
More than a million people are expected to attend the event.
Tuesday 13 January
2009
Its that time of the year.
We have forgotten about our personal New Years resolutions,
and we now turn our attentions to what else we can expect
for the year ahead.
Below are some guaranteed predictions of events to look
forward to in South Africa in 2009.
· Najwa Petersen will
go insane
· 12 people will win
over R1000 at Grand West Casino
· Jacob Zuma will sing
Mshini Wam 37 times. SABC will screen each
rendition.
· The SABC will rescreen
‘Message in a Bottle.’
· David Kramer will
produce another coloured musical
· Manto Shabala-Msimang
will get drunk
· The first world will
call for ‘Strong Action’ against
Bob Mugabe.
· Nazier Kapdi
will not be caught with tik again. He wont be caught near
tik again. He will continue dealing from a distance.
· Galaxy will celebrate
its 31st Anniversary with ‘The Biggest Party
Ever’. Vicky Sampson, N2 and Loyiso will
perform.
· Thabo Mbeki
will not run for President
· Ratanga Junction will
be closed for 9 months
· The Supreme Court
will rule in favour of Judge President John Hlophe.
The Constitutional Court will then appeal to the Constitutional
Court to overrule the judgement.
· Julius Malema will
award himself an honorary matric certificate
Monday 12 January
2009
I hope you were not expecting some technologically advanced
stuff.
I am still doing everything myself, but decided that I should
commit more time to the site.
The Editor’s Daily Ramblings
will stay pretty much the same as the previous daily article,
and I will try to keep the content topical to South Africa
as far as possible.
Over the two years the Yummie
readership has grown to include regular visitors from all
over the world, and the new Black & White & Grey
Pages will feature content that is more universal.
Readers unanimously agree that
they find yummie’s stance of ‘Telling it Like
it Is’ refreshing, and the new section will continue
to do just that.
The BW&G pages will focus
on enjoying the process of life, and the quest for happiness
and fulfilment, honesty and truth.
It will cover anything that
catches my fancy – from yummie recipes to beauty,
fashion and health tips, from strange beliefs and philosophies
to humorous stories and pics, from social skills to substance
abuse.
Governance, religion, capitalism, sexual fantasies, exploitation
in all its forms, whatever.
And, rest assured, if I think its Crummy rather than Yummie........
I will say so.
I will try my best to update
this section daily. At worst it will be updated really often.
Everything on these pages reflect nothing more than my personal
opinion. You decide whether its black & white or grey.
The new galleries speak for
themselves. They will be updated daily from Monday to Friday.
Please help by submitting your pics for inclusion.
Finding more than a thousand pics per year is not going
to be easy!
I hope that you enjoy the new
look, that you will visit regularly, and that you will help
to spread the word.
